Stress Relief
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique
recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really
does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of
the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already.

::: BREAKING NEWS :::
In 2009 the government will start deporting
all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run my little crazy friend, run!

Well, what can I say?? Someone sent it to me, and dog gone it, I'm NOT going alone !!

Subject: school answering machine message
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine . This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and
several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Not a joke, but funny, who says ehwew is no justice....

BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.

This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina : 2008 .....

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,
then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these
great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a series of small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason,
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous..
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company,
in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is
considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the
insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to
the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company
had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the
previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and
was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Interesting. I first heard this story at least 10 years ago.

Snopes has an entry on it at http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp

Interesting story, though.

LOL. Good one

*copies to forum*

Quoting Caroline:

Quote:
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Braden, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Braden clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? 

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Braden grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied. 

Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
           
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T...



I used to like the little sh!t.

When I used to work for tech support and we got issues like that we call them PEBKAC's

It is a simple acronym Problem Exist Between Keyboard And Chair

I know everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which sex you are.

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a

Woman in a brand new  Cadillac doing 65 mph
with her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away For a couple seconds!
And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I dropped My electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. !

In all the confusion of tryingn to straighten out the car using my knees against
ihe steering wheel, it knocked my Cell Phone away from my ear
which fell into the coffee between my legs!, splashed, and burned LittleTim and the Twins, 
ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, snd disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers anyway.