Cricket wisdom...!!!!

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important!!

Marines have the answers.

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House,
he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
 
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says:
"Nice pigs, sir."
 
The President replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.
I got one for Secretary of State  Hillary Clinton,
and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."
 
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says,
"Excellent trade, sir."

Why an American is Unemployed

~ U.S. Citizen ~

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking,
he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES) .

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA),
then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio (MADE IN INDIA),
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia)
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day
checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA),
John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA.

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA.

Quoting Caroline:

Quote:
Cricket wisdom...!!!!

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important!!

and we don't need directions either ...

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!


1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in each sentence from the top down and I betcha' you cannot resist passing it on.

Joe’s Operation

Joe goes to the doctor for his terrible headaches.
The doctor said,  ’Joe,  the good news is I can cure your severe headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates your terrible constant headaches.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’ Joe was shocked and depressed.  He wondered if he had anything to live for.  He had no choice but to go under the knife.  When he left the hospital,  he was without a headache
for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.As he walked down the street,  he realized that he felt like a different person.  He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need ….  a new suit.’  He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,  ’Let’s see …
size 44 long.’
Joe laughed,  ‘That’s right,  how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’  the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit;  it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror,  the salesman asked,  ’How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said,  ‘Let’s see,  34 sleeves
and 16-1/2 neck.’
Joe was surprised,  ‘That’s right,  how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Joe tried on the shirt,  and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman said,  ‘Let’s see … size 36.’
Joe laughed,  ‘Ah ha!  I got you,  I’ve worn a size 34  brief
since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head,  ’You can’t wear a size 34. 
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base

of your spine and give you one hell of a headache’

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second opinion - PRICELESS

2 women in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandy.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sharda . How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began
to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband
was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead,
I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I
went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so
exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be
alive.

PRICELESS!

More than likely she said, "I'd like to be A six again." You're right he wasn't listening closely.