Quoting TheMadMartian:

Quote:
I have been sitting here trying to think of something to say and find myself at a complete loss.  I am just flabbergasted. 

+1    I can't follow anymore

Bloody hell!  If you're not going to play nice, GET OUT.

If this thread doesn't pound the final nail in Kathy's door...

Hi everyone.

First, I would like to thank those for their kind words on hearing I was going to take a break from the forums.

I was not going to discuss the details of why I decided to leave, but I have had a change of heart for many reasons. The most important one, to me at least, is the fear that others would come to the wrong conclusions.

I have always been of the thought that understanding is the key to most things. So it might be best if I shed some light on my decision.

I want to be very clear that I do not blame any one person for my needing a break from the forums. I will not ever blame someone for something that I decided to do.

I joined the forums several years ago because of my love of film and my obsession with DVDs. In the beginning I found the forums a warm and welcoming place. My questions (remember my “stupid questions” thread?) were always answered in a kind and timely manner. The community seemed to work together to achieve its goals.

For whatever reasons, once again I will not play the blame game, the forums started to change. It seemed to me that people were not as accommodating.

There seemed to be an ebb and flow of civility to the forums. At times the community worked together but other times it seemed the opposite occurred. But, for the most part things were tolerable since most of the time we were kind and respectful to one another.

Over the last year or two the forums have shifted in the opposite direction. Now it seems that the community works against each other more than helping one another. And, even worse, the civility is gone.

The result of this toxic atmosphere has been the gradual erosion of the community. Many valuable members have left. Most have expressed that the reasons for doing so is the lack of civility on the forums.

Last year I started keeping track of the people who no longer post of the forums and it was in the hundreds, I know that even more have left since. I miss them. I want them back.

I decided to try and help the community become a better place. I wanted it to be warm and welcoming once again. Invelos also decided that something was amiss and implemented the red and green arrow system as a tool to measure the community and its feelings.

This system, while not perfect, is sound. As far as the red arrows are concerned, since this is the area I wish to address, they are a way for us to show our displeasure of a posting. It might not always be fair but there is likely to be some truth for the red arrow. 

I know that if I got a negative arrow, I would look at what I wrote so that I could improve myself. I would hate to think that I wrote something that the community could find fault with. I would also be very careful with further postings so this would not occur again.

Alas, although the arrow system has been in place for some time, the atmosphere in the forums was not changing. If anything it was becoming even worse. The animosity and ill will among members was making me very uncomfortable.

Other members also felt that way and suggestions were made to the community to find other ways to achieve the goal of improving the forums.

I tried very hard via pms and postings to develop a consensus on how to reach that goal. I want this place to be the way I found it. I want a community that works together to achieve its goals. 

It is difficult to express oneself in writing. Words can be misconstrued or taken out of context. You can’t tell if the person is smiling or frowning, happy or sad. Body language also plays such an important part in communication.

It is also important to remember that this community is from around the world. Culture, language, religion, politics - everything is different. There are so many different ways that we see, think and feel things. As such, sometimes things are written that hurts another.

When this happens,  it is difficult to admit they might have wronged someone else. Even harder, but what might make the biggest impact, is the ability to say “I’m sorry”. 

But, even more important and the hardest thing to do, is to change. To make a conscious effort to see oneself through someone else's eyes.  To try and improve yourself in order to improve the community.

I am a generally optimistic and happy person. As a nurse, I have learned how fleeting life is and the importance of treating people with kindness and respect.

I left because I felt my optimism waning. The forums and the way people were deliberately setting out to hurt each other was making me incredibly sad. I did not need or want to be in a place that can make me feel that way. 

I know that in the larger scheme of things, my not visiting the forums is irrelevant. But, I might have also hoped that my stance might make Ken, Gerri and the community see that the community is in trouble. I don’t want to become just another lurker.

Kathy,

Your last post above was letter perfect.

Thank you.

What's funny is a forums went to hell and it wasn't my fault 

Quoting lyonsden5:

Quote:
Quoting FilmAlba:

Quote:
What's funny is a forums went to hell and it wasn't my fault 

Guess you'll just have to try harder. 

Ouch!   

Rory

Well said Kathy,

and even better we met in the other place 

Donnie

Just wanted to say thank you for contributions which always were excellent.
Cheers
Kelvin