The joke that got me thrown out of Sunday School  when I was eight years old:

A priest is walking down the street of an unfamiliar town when he meets a scantily-clad woman who says, "Hey faddah!  Blow job, five bucks!"  The priest, innocent that he is, has no idea what she's talking about and hurries past.

Before long he meets a second such woman, who leers at him and says, "Hey, faddah!  Blow job, five bucks!"  He's sure that this can't be good, whatever it is, and hurries onward.

Just as he's heading out of town, he is approached by the third woman who puts her arms around him and purrs "Mmmm, faddah, blow job, five bucks!"  He shakes her off and rushes out of this town for all he's worth, feeling he has dodged something sinful.

He spies a convent not far away.  Disturbed by his curiosity, he goes up to the convent door and asks to speak privately with the mother superior.  She ushers him into his office, and asks him to be seated, and tell her what's troubling him.  The priest, unable to contain himself, blurts out, "Mother superior, what's a blow job?"


"Five bucks, same as in town."

===

Never missed Sunday School, to be honest.

An elderly lady is out buying a doll for her grand daughter. She doesn't know that much about them, so she asks the salesman.

"Well," he says, "Barbie-dolls are the most popular. We've got Dancing Barbie at $39,95, Hairdresser Barbie at $49,95 and Divorce Barbie at $299,95."

The lady is shocked! "Why is Divorce Barbie so much more expensive than the others???"

"She comes with Ken's car, house and boat!"

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away !"
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began --
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, " Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

A  filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.  He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. 
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give
a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his
thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. 
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.  Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,"
"No, that's okay.  I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.  How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks, I don't want it,"  answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something.  That was amazing.  How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!"

Programming language Inventor or Serial Killer?

or

Middle Aged Women Should Stay At Home

Invelos just came into existence...  (Post by RHFactor)

http://www.invelos.com/Forums.aspx?task=viewtopic&topicID=1#M36

CNN.com News Alert: A two-seater Cessna crashed into Cmentarz Powazkowski, a graveyard on the northwest side of Warszawa, Poland's capitol.  Emergency crews are on the scene and so far have recovered 183 bodies and the director in charge fears that the number will climb as Search & Rescue efforts continue.

Quoting widescreenforever:

Quote:
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

   

The little indian boy went to his father, to chief, and asked him: "Father, why is my big sister called Tall Oak?"
"Well," the chief replied, "that is because she was conceived under a majestic tall oak!"
"Oh," the boy said, "so why is my little sister called Burning Summer?"
"Because she was conceived in the hottest summer we have ever experienced! But why are you aksing these questions, Little Hole in Rubber?"